my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
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