I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
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You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
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I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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