Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
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Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
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You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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