Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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