my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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