i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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