You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
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