Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
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Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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