I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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