So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
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