Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I will pee on everything he values.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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