ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize