we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
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It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
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I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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