I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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