Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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