The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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