He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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