My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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