meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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