he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
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I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
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Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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