My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
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He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
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I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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