so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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