I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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