oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize