Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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