I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
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In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
where are my eyebrows?
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