Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
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