There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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