Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You ate ashes out of my bong
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize