I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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