New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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