Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize