Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Someone came in the potted fern
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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