I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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