he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
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He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
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He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
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