I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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