Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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