k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he thought i was a dude.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize