Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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