Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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