people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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