Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
God, I missed his penis.
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