Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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