I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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