I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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