in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
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Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
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Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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