How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
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The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
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Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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