I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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