i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
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Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
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I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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