are you so shy because you have an std?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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