i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
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Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
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took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
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